Natalie's mother passed away in February after suffering from heart disease; her brother lost his money in stocks and is currently unemployed; her father already in his 60's and well into his retirement - this only leaves Natalie as the sole supporter in her family. Faced by terrible pressure and still grieving over the loss of her mother, Natalie accepts this interview. Natalie's monthly paycheck already goes towards paying the rent and the majority of the bills. In addition, she has to pay back the debt that her family had incurred over the years. Her paycheck is completely gone the first day after making payments.
Natalie and Amigo's relationship was at a red light - but when Natalie's mom passed away, Amigo has been by her side supporting her. The red light in their relationship has slowly turned into a green light. They will continue holding hands as they go on their way.
+++++
Natalie requests the reporters start with her photos before beginning the interview. This is because she's afraid she won't be able to control her tear when she talks about her mom. As expected, as we broach on the subject of Mother's Day, the tears begin to flow. "Actually when my mom was pregnant with me, the doctors already advised her to do an operation. But because she was worried the operation might put me at risk, she declined. At that time, the doctors told her she will need to have the operation within 5 years. People are like that - you don't pay attention to your problems until it starts interfering with your life. It was only a couple months ago when my mom's health took a turn for the worse that I find out about her situation. Perhaps because our relationship is so distant, I've never really paid attention to things happening in our family. But by the time you find out, it's already too late.
Natalie's relationship with her family has always been strained, especially with her mother. "I always thought my mom was very annoying. She only asked what I would eat or not eat. Also, because my mom worked, she would often leave me at home. I started believing she didn't care about me and in turn made her feel that she owed me. I'm sure she sensed that, and as a way to compensate the neglect, she would always let me have my way. Even if I'm mean to her, she wouldn't say anything to me... any hardships that she faced, my mom would keep them to herself. Now that I have to carry the weight of these hardships, I finally understand what she went through." Only with her mother's passing does Natalie realize the sacrifices her mother made. Unfortunately it is too late to express any of this to her mom.
++++
Economic Pressures
Natalie revealed that her family is troubled with debt. As the provider of the family, the pressure is very intense. "Due to his work, my dad never lived with us. It was only after he retired a few years ago did he move back with us. My mom use to be the provider for the family. After she passed away, I realized there are many things that I don't know how to do. Even something a simple as paying a bill, I had no idea how to. At the same time, my brother lost his job, leaving me as the only one supporting the family. I know I can't continue being miserable about my situation. I need to start taking care of this family. But my salary barely covers our expenses. I'm feeling extremely pressured."
Natalie has a more reclusive personality and rarely bothers people with her personal problems. She keeps everything inside and deals with her problems by herself. "I've come to realize how smart my mom was.. she never told me that the family was in debt. She always told me to spend my money on myself, not to worry about contributing to family expenses. Probably the entire time she was putting out fires everywhere - but how many can you really put out at one time? But my mom was very strong and took all the burdens herself. She's very admirable." At this point, Natalie is just balling. Her tears can't be controlled. Even the interviewer is having a hard time. She continues, "The hospital bills weren't that bad. When my mom started getting worse, I wanted to find better doctors to treat her, but it was already too late. I often ask myself, 'Is it because I was too slow? If I could have made my decisions earlier, would my mom still be alive?' After this experience, I've witnessed a change in myself. Before it would take me a long time to make decisions, but now I've become much more efficient in my decision-making."
Natalie is a TVB managed artiste and relies on her meager earnings to support her family. Rent alone already takes up a huge portion. "There's many other expenses, as well as paying back the debt. There's a limit on what I can do with my salary. The expenses each month are substantial. A single paycheck has to support the entire family. Everyday I have to think of ways to make more money. How do I make my rent payments this month? How do I pay my bills? To pay back the debt, to pay friends that have lent money? I guess this is how it feels when you hit rock bottom. My brother was in the banking industry. Earlier he had lost a lot in stocks. When my mom started getting sick he was let go from his job. He still hasn't been able to find work. One day my dad came up to me and said that he'll go look for a job. I refused to let him work as he's already in his 60's. Then when I came home from work one day, he said that he already went for an interview for a job working in the kitchen. I looked at him and told him not to take it. He was afraid I was working too hard. I felt that I was useless."
Choking back tears, she continues, "The minute I get my paycheck my money is already gone. There were a few traffic tickets that I still hadn't paid. In my mind I was thinking, 'Crap, what do I do now?' I could only stall. It was a small amount, only a few hundred (HK dollars). When my dad saw me, he told me that he won playing the lottery and had already paid the charges for me." Natalie already lost her mother, so she wants a better life for her dad. Right now she only wishes to make more money so her father won't feel obligated to work.
++++
Continuing on Forward
With the weakened economy, there's been less and less jobs. "How can I make money faster? This is the hardest question. Before there were times when I didn't have enough to pay rent. I've tried asking relatives for money but they've turned me away saying that it won't do any good in the long run. At this time I realized there's really no one that can help you. So I've told myself that I need to continue doing well with my work. I'm the only one that can help myself."
The path of poverty is not always a dead end. Natalie knows that in front of her there's two roads ahead. She dries her tears and says, "One is to give up. Two is to continue plowing ahead. My mom used to be able to do it, I need to be more like her." In order to not have her father worry, Natalie will not cry at home. "No matter how terrible I may be feeling, I will never bring my personal problems to work. Every night I have problems sleeping. Only when I'm driving to work do I easily cry, because I feel the roads in front of me are an endless jumble." In order to make money, Natalie does not mind pairing with Amigo for shows. "In the beginning of May, I went with him to Macau for a show at a casino. I sang 4 songs then sang a few duets with him. I played games with the audience. If I could, I would like to receive more of these jobs." Natalie had never been to China for a show, but now she's not afraid to take on these jobs. If she can make money, she will do it. "Before I used to think I needed to know how to sing in order to perform. This is why I never tried it in the past. Now I will try new things. The company will worry that some of the locations will be packed and unsafe, but I tell them it's alright. Earlier on I performed at a show in China."
After her mother passed away, Natalie came to realize a lot of things. She's now able to tell apart her true friends from the ones that are only there when the times are good. "Real friends put effort into helping me. Amigo is one of them." Although Natalie has never admitted to her relationship with Amigo, they have long been established as a pair. While Amigo has been often photographed out late at night with other girls, his girlfriend Natalie has been trusting. But as her mother started getting sick, their relationship became strained. Yet when Natalie's mother was admitted to the hospital, Amigo was constantly by her side supporting her. Their relationship started getting back on track. "To be honest, at that time I really wasn't thinking too much into it. I only knew that I needed someone by my side to support me. Amigo used a different method to help me. Each time I was sad and felt like crying, he would scold me to prevent me from feeling the pain. Then he will change the topic. With him by my side, it made the days more bearable."
Natalie once said she is someone that takes relationships very seriously. It's hard for her to fall in love with someone. But when she really loves a person, she is willing to give her all. Speaking of Amigo, the corners of her mouth lift into a smile amidst the tears still on her face. She says, "Perhaps people feel that if their other half does something wrong, no matter how minor it is, the relationship is already over. But I'm like my mom, so I will put all my time and energy into a relationship. If at the end the outcome is the same, only then will I chose to leave." People must learn to weather the storm before they can fully mature. Relationships must be put under the test before it can see the light. There is always hope in tomorrow. Natalie just must continue giving her best. Her work and love will surely reach a perfect outcome.
Source: MingPao (Original article in Ming Pao Sunday Supplement, Toronto Edition, pg: 44-45)
Translated by: sparkles_n15@http://asianfanatics.net
0 komentar:
Posting Komentar